No Pants Sighting of the Day

Location: RISE Nightclub, “Boston’s only after-hours dance club”

Offense: I hadn’t previously linked the no pants epidemic to cult mentality, but I’m gonna take that idea for a spin around the block. My first exposure to RISE was encountering a group of young-looking kids standing in line in the middle of winter to get into a dark and sketchy place in their underwear. Literally, underwear. A second encounter months later prompted the photo below. Even though the RISE website claims, “Never a dress code”, I’d beg to differ if this is what is waiting to get in. The actual outfit itself is certainly not the worst I’ve seen in Find Your Pants history. Yes, there are ripped fishnets involved. Yes, lacey underwear belongs on the inside of your clothes. Yes, it is a daring outfit to choose for a public setting. But I have a bigger issue with the venue than the outfit. Do you kids know what a cult is? Let me explain…

As soon as I visited the RISE website, the cult vibes crept eerily up my spine. First of all, it’s an 18+ club and claims to provide “Boston clubbers with a safe place to dance late at night”. Ok, fine. Decent idea, and I’m told they don’t serve alcohol so the safety meter does go up a few notches. But I feel like Charles Manson wrote the next passage:

The name RISE is no accident. When you ascend the stairs to our intimate, intense club, you’ll be “uplifted” by the dynamic music and the exhilarating vibe of the open-minded folks who gather here. There’s nothing “down and dirty” about RISE; our club is impeccably clean and draws its excitement from the positive energy of the members, guests, and staff. (www.riseclub.us/p/history)

Creeped out yet? Oh wait, there’s more. RISE is a private club that requires memberships. How do you become a member? You get introduced to “us” by an existing member and choose a membership level, ranging from $50-$750 per year in annual dues. Membership gets you to the front of the line, discounted/no cover and “nightly guests”. It apparently also gets you the privilege of baring your ass to all the other 18+ freaks who hang out there.

Verdict: I’m extremely supportive of healthy and safe hang-outs for young people. I’m also extremely supportive of pants. I’m beyond disturbed that parents would allow their kids out of the house looking like this young woman, and even though RISE claims there’s nothing “down and dirty” about its establishment, I’m not convinced. You can’t honestly tell me that nothing raunchy will be happening if girls are dressed like that in a room full of horny 18-year-old bros. And herein lies my argument for the cult mentality behind not wearing pants. Girls wearing their underwear as their outerwear will get attention from boys. Plain and simple. Other girls will see this and copy the trend if they, too, want attention. Suddenly, lacking pants becomes a way to climb the social ladder, gain friends, increase popularity. Girls who do not partake in this cult become susceptible to ridicule and loser status. It’s a cutthroat world in high school, and pants are being shed in order to get ahead.

Young ladies, let me preach to you real quick. $750 buys you a top-tier RISE membership, but self-respect is priceless. Not one of those 18-year-old horndogs is worth you prancing around in a thong. The love of your life will think you are sexiest in a T-shirt and jeans. A cult like this needs one less member.

They stand outside like this until at least midnight. In their underwear. At that time, I’m in bed. In my outerwear. PJs people.

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