Archive for June 2012

No Pants Sighting of the Day

June 7, 2012

Location: Salem Street, North End

Offense: This may sound a bit surprising, but the fact that her shorty shorts are practically clawing their way to nestle into the crack of her ass is not the part of this outfit that bothers me the most. I am more disturbed by the choice to pair these shorts with nude tights and Keds.

Verdict: I feel like I’ve wandered onto the set of Saved by the Bell. And while I LOVE me some Zack Morris and still watch the reruns on TBS, the 90s are calling with their giant cell phone and they want their fashion trends back. Keds are no more. They are Thoms now. Nude tights are also a thing of the distant past. We women figured out a long time ago that tights or panty hose that mimic the color of skin are superfluous. They are itchy, uncomfortable, never fit for long-legged gals like myself, and rarely ever match our skin tone. Pale arms and tan legs do not make for a good look. The trend today is to just embrace whatever imperfections exist on those gams (bruises, scrapes, lack of melanin, what have you) and keep it bare!

My bottom line is that if you feel it necessary to sport nude tights under your clothing as a way to somehow “cover” yourself, then you are not wearing pants. If not having the “protection” of nude tights makes you feel exposed, then you are not wearing pants. Put the tights up in the attic with your old dance recital costumes where they belong and buy yourself some longer shorts.

I stumbled upon this girl and her boy toy while walking home from work at 11pm on a Wednesday. He must have taken her out for a real nice date. And with those shorts, he KNOWS he’s gettin some later.

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