Who’s to Blame?

Ever since the dawn of retail, when stores like Gap and Bloomingdale’s came into existence, and were kept alive and kicking with the invention of the credit card, there has been a close and dependent relationship between retail designers and consumers. For the most part, this relationship is symbiotic, much like those found in nature. Designers consult their constituents to learn what types of clothing they’re interested in, and consumers provide monetary compensation to perpetuate fashion trends and keep the industry rolling. It’s the stuff of economic textbooks. However, when a mistake is made that disrupts this balanced relationship, who is to blame?

The mistake to which I am referring is nude-colored leggings. By mistake, I more accurately mean EGREGIOUS ERROR IN JUDGMENT. But is this the fault of the pants makers or the pants buyers? Who has become the parasite in this once symbiotic relationship? I’m not sure I have an answer at the moment, so to keep with the “balance” theme I have going here, I shall present both sides of the argument.

The designers of nude leggings are the devil!

Ultimately it is the designers that create a fashion trend, so it seems natural to blame them for creating leggings that give the illusion that you have LITERALLY forgotten your pants. There are so few occasions I can think of that require the illusion of nakedness. Anything that does come to mind seems to revolve around the arts in some form (plays, dance, etc.). And even that is a stretch. In addition, I feel that one major benefit of pants is that they tend to hide all those fun little imperfections we all have and love: cellulite, little pockets of extra fat, spider veins, all that good stuff. But if the designers have created a piece that A. glues itself to your legs since spandex is very good at that and B. contours to all the bumps and lumps you have, they have given you no fighting chance at looking good. If it was possible to look anti-sexy, they have helped you achieve that. Designers wrote your sex appeal its death sentence when they created nude-colored leggings.

But wait! It’s the consumers’ fault!

Can we lay all the burden upon the creators of this atrocity? Perhaps those who spend actual money on a product that gives the opposite effect of clothing should take some of the fall. Listen, I know each and every one of you has had at least one encounter with a mirror in your lifetime. If you’re special, maybe even a full-length mirror. So if you plan on using the argument that you didn’t realize you looked naked walking out of the house, I’m not buying it for a second. Furthermore, I KNOW that every dressing room in every retail store contains at least one full length mirror, so any excuse that you didn’t know what you were buying is irrelevant. No one blindfolded you, put a gun to your head, and forced you to acquire a pair of naked pants without your knowledge. So in a culture where we tend to preach that the “customer is always right”, we need to consider that in many instances, specifically of the nude legging variety, the customer may very well just be dumb.

What’s the answer, oh pants guru?!

Sadly, I don’t have one. Both arguments are valid, but if I have to make a conclusion, my instinct is to condemn the consumer. Listen, you have to have some semblance of what your body looks like at this point in your life. You have to be able to discern what looks good on you and what doesn’t. It’s a very basic human tool. Therefore, when I see you prancing around in nude-colored non-pants, I’m going to assume either dementia or blindness has most unfortunately befallen you. Unfortunately for you, your current medical condition does nothing to save us, the unsuspecting public, from seeing your very naked-looking ass. So I beg you to be a smart consumer. Save us all.

Photo courtesy of Karen and Meredith, via Cosmo. Upon first glance, you are probably in shock that this woman has actually completely forgotten her pants. Upon further investigation, you'll realize she is African American...yet her legs, thanks to nude-colored leggings, are now Caucasian.

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