Archive for January 2012

‘Tis That Time Again…No Pants T Ride 2012

January 9, 2012

The day was Sunday, January 8th. The time was 2pm. The place was South Station on the Red Line. The crowd? About 100, very energetic, and beyond ready to take their pants off. Yes ladies and gentlemen, for the third year, I ventured out to document and photograph the No Pants T Ride in Boston, and would like to report my findings.

The premise is always the same: sign up for a team, get on a specific train car, take your pants off at your assigned station, get off the train, get back on the next one in the same car. The only behavioral norm assigned to participants is to act nonchalant, ya know, as if you’re actually WEARING pants. Unsuspecting T riders who do not realize this is happening will be in SHOCK and AWE! They will give these no pants wearers STRANGE LOOKS! They will LAUGH! They will POINT and take PICTURES! They will WHISPER to their friends!! But for me, having done this twice already, I knew exactly what to expect. And I actually found myself thinking, “Where’s the novelty in this?”

There’s a distinct difference between this event and the countless no pants offenses I have captured on film. With the former, these people may be a tad on the crazy side, but they are well-aware that they should normally be wearing pants. This is one day when they will take a walk on the wild side – either on their free will or on a dare – and do something crazy in public. However, the members of the latter group have no idea that they are committing a fashion crime. They actually think their lack of pants is sexy and cool and “in”. They somehow look in the mirror and think that they CAN’T see their ass through those tights they wear. So who is more delusional? The people who ride the T for 1 hour in their underwear on a cold day in January or the people whose clothing choices basically resemble underwear EVERY DAY?!

So nice try no pants T riders. Good job at getting up the courage to join all your friends and “shake it up” on a Sunday afternoon. These people are actually rewarded for taking their pants off, seeing as that there’s an after party at a bar (still no pants there…frightening). But unfortunately, these crazies will never hold a candle to the balls that the girls wearing tights, leggings, short-ass skirts, long sweaters, etc. etc. possess. Somehow, the aforementioned girls have ZERO SHAME. It’s a concept I might never understand. But for the first time, I can actually say I was a little bored by all these people without their pants.

Nevertheless, of course I got pictures! Duh.

My favorite part of this picture is that guy's face.

That chick in the panties and black tights was actually very pregnant. So congrats, new baby, your mommy is a crazy person.

 

Question: does a guy have more or less game when the girl's pants are already off?

 

When the clothed sit next to the unclothed...

 

Not sure why, but cowboy boots were a popular accessory for riding the T without pants.

Her legs are not diseased nor covered in tattoos. Those tights are just meant to ALWAYS be underneath something.

 

Her hair was about the same color combination as those socks.

 

When the hell did this event become a father/son bonding moment?!?!

 

Oh not to worry...Mom came out too. Get the whole family involved.

 

There goes the flock...

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Who’s to Blame?

January 2, 2012

Ever since the dawn of retail, when stores like Gap and Bloomingdale’s came into existence, and were kept alive and kicking with the invention of the credit card, there has been a close and dependent relationship between retail designers and consumers. For the most part, this relationship is symbiotic, much like those found in nature. Designers consult their constituents to learn what types of clothing they’re interested in, and consumers provide monetary compensation to perpetuate fashion trends and keep the industry rolling. It’s the stuff of economic textbooks. However, when a mistake is made that disrupts this balanced relationship, who is to blame?

The mistake to which I am referring is nude-colored leggings. By mistake, I more accurately mean EGREGIOUS ERROR IN JUDGMENT. But is this the fault of the pants makers or the pants buyers? Who has become the parasite in this once symbiotic relationship? I’m not sure I have an answer at the moment, so to keep with the “balance” theme I have going here, I shall present both sides of the argument.

The designers of nude leggings are the devil!

Ultimately it is the designers that create a fashion trend, so it seems natural to blame them for creating leggings that give the illusion that you have LITERALLY forgotten your pants. There are so few occasions I can think of that require the illusion of nakedness. Anything that does come to mind seems to revolve around the arts in some form (plays, dance, etc.). And even that is a stretch. In addition, I feel that one major benefit of pants is that they tend to hide all those fun little imperfections we all have and love: cellulite, little pockets of extra fat, spider veins, all that good stuff. But if the designers have created a piece that A. glues itself to your legs since spandex is very good at that and B. contours to all the bumps and lumps you have, they have given you no fighting chance at looking good. If it was possible to look anti-sexy, they have helped you achieve that. Designers wrote your sex appeal its death sentence when they created nude-colored leggings.

But wait! It’s the consumers’ fault!

Can we lay all the burden upon the creators of this atrocity? Perhaps those who spend actual money on a product that gives the opposite effect of clothing should take some of the fall. Listen, I know each and every one of you has had at least one encounter with a mirror in your lifetime. If you’re special, maybe even a full-length mirror. So if you plan on using the argument that you didn’t realize you looked naked walking out of the house, I’m not buying it for a second. Furthermore, I KNOW that every dressing room in every retail store contains at least one full length mirror, so any excuse that you didn’t know what you were buying is irrelevant. No one blindfolded you, put a gun to your head, and forced you to acquire a pair of naked pants without your knowledge. So in a culture where we tend to preach that the “customer is always right”, we need to consider that in many instances, specifically of the nude legging variety, the customer may very well just be dumb.

What’s the answer, oh pants guru?!

Sadly, I don’t have one. Both arguments are valid, but if I have to make a conclusion, my instinct is to condemn the consumer. Listen, you have to have some semblance of what your body looks like at this point in your life. You have to be able to discern what looks good on you and what doesn’t. It’s a very basic human tool. Therefore, when I see you prancing around in nude-colored non-pants, I’m going to assume either dementia or blindness has most unfortunately befallen you. Unfortunately for you, your current medical condition does nothing to save us, the unsuspecting public, from seeing your very naked-looking ass. So I beg you to be a smart consumer. Save us all.

Photo courtesy of Karen and Meredith, via Cosmo. Upon first glance, you are probably in shock that this woman has actually completely forgotten her pants. Upon further investigation, you'll realize she is African American...yet her legs, thanks to nude-colored leggings, are now Caucasian.


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