Archive for May 2010

No Pants Sighting of the Day

May 26, 2010

Location: Radio 92.9 Earthfest

Offense: What we have here is a classic case of mistaking a shirt for a dress. Hey, she probably thinks, “This shirt is cute, and the pattern resembles a set of kitchen towels, so if I drape large objects across my chest, that counts as a dress.” And we’ve all made that mistake, right?

Verdict: Hell to the no. Honey, your va jay jay called, and it wants its blatant exposure back.

Genius (and slightly horrifying) photog work courtesy of Kim, who was kind enough to warn me of the offensiveness of this shot.

Maybe she's redeemable from the back, you know, when I can't see her crotch? Hmmm nope.

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If You Like It Then You Shoulda Put a Stamp On It

May 18, 2010

Brought to my attention by the one and only Ash Wall, with whom I'll always cherish our high school conversations on the couch in the kitchen.

So I’m not alone. The secret is out on pants. Cat’s out of the bag, someone spilled the beans, and the hem has been let out (…pants pun…). The above picture comes to us from PostSecret, which is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard (http://postsecret.blogspot.com). Someone out there in this crazy world of ours took the time to decorate the side of a postcard, affix proper postage, and let the Pony Express take it from there to its destination online. Who knows how many hands exchanged this priceless piece of US mail before it reached its final destination, and how many people nodded their heads in staunch agreement.

Now, using the United States Postal Service as a conduit to spread the word about the true value of pants never crossed my mind until now, so thank you PostSecret. If you like pants, you should put a stamp on ’em. Cut out (or draw) a picture of your favorite pair of pants, write something quippy, and send it my way! Now, since there are a lot of creepers out there, I’m not giving out my address to the billions of people accessing the internet every day, but you can send your pants postcards to findyourpants@gmail.com. Put a cyber stamp on ’em 🙂

To end this post, I’d like to highlight some of my favorite PostSecret “secrets”:

“I bathe in the dark so I can’t see how fat I’ve become”

“You know the painting I gave you for Mother’s Day? I didn’t paint it”

“I lied my way in and out of the psych ward”

“The closest I’ll ever be to the man I love is when I have anal sex with the man he loves”

No Pants Sighting of the Day

May 7, 2010

Location: Beacon Hill, Boston

Offense: I literally have no words for this monstrosity of an outfit. If I did have words, they’d go a little somethin like this:

  • That tattoo of flowers covering your legs looks like it took a really long time to complete. Oh wait, those are your pants? Nevermind, I was semi-impressed with your pain tolerance but I take it back since you just look stupid.
  • You must be bringing back the “flower child” look because you have to be on copious amounts of drugs to wear this outfit.
  • Mini-backpacks are out. Mini-backpacks with faces smiling at you are out. Therefore, you are out. Auf wiedersehen.
  • Do you honestly think that flower tights and black booty shorts are a stellar combination? Child please.
  • Are you carrying a koosh ball in your right hand???

Verdict: If you’re in Beacon Hill and see this girl on the street, get her outta there. She’s an eye sore.


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