Archive for April 2010

No Pants Sighting of the Day

April 26, 2010

Location: Beacon Hill Pub (a.k.a BHP, one of only 2 dive bars in Beacon Hill, which smelled like a combination of stale beer and feet)

Offense: Well there’s CLEARLY no feasible way you’re wearing underwear with this get-up, and I don’t believe your dress could be tighter unless you painted it on your body.

Verdict: There are few occasions when an outfit this skin-tight and short should be worn…examples would be the Tour de France, swimming in the Summer Olympics, or your dance recital when you were 10. However, you are at the BHP. It is a cash-only establishment that features “Penthouse PhotoHunt” in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Boston. Try wearing jeans and sneakers next time…like everyone else.

Photo taken with the help of Peter, who made it less awkward when I took a flash picture at close range in a crowded bar...

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How Can You Not Be a Pants Person?

April 20, 2010

I understand not being a dog person. Or not being a cat person. Or a Mexican food person. But HOW can one not be a pants person????

This phenomenon that pants have become a preference instead of a necessity–something you can “thumbs up” instead of something that should be a cultural norm–baffles me. I realize that we, as a planet, are dealing with some global warming issues and all, but that shouldn’t change the clothing climate. It has not gotten globally warmed enough to be shedding pants. I feel that pants should be the staple item in everyone’s wardrobe; the “little black dress” of lower appendage coverings. Instead, girls choose pants like they do a restaurant, a shade of lipstick, or a boyfriend. There are preferences, pros and cons, and deal-breakers; and in the current clothing climate, pants have played the part of the acne-ridden, nervous guy you have no intention of approaching at the back of the bar.

The impetus for delving into what constitutes a “pants person” was a lovely Q&A with actress Taylor Momsen in Entertainment Weekly. This girl is 16, and two whole questions in this short interview were dedicated to figuring out why she doesn’t like pants. Taylor’s early acting career was a who’s who of wholesome family fun–starting with a commercial for Shake ‘N’ Bake, playing Cindy Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and kicking…um, booty…in Spy Kids 2. Now she’s one of the lead roles in Gossip Girl. Hello downward spiral. First, the pants go by the wayside (why are they always the first to go??), and who knows what will be lost next. Wearing tights instead of pants doesn’t make you rocker chic and cool…it makes you naked.

I understand that you may not be a skinny jeans person, or a khakis person, or a sweatpants person (this might make you a crazy person, however); but for heaven’s sake pick one. Choose to embrace the genre of pants and be a pants person. You don’t want your Cindy Hoo Hoo exposed to the world after all.

This is Taylor Momsen when she used to wear pants...

...and that day is long gone.

No Pants Sighting of the Day

April 16, 2010

Location: Back Bay, Boston

Offense: I mean at this point, that lace thing you’re trying to play off as an ass covering is kind of superfluous, right?

Verdict: Pants are your friend, my dear. The half of your ass that is completely exposed to the world is really missing out on that companionship it desperately wants and needs.

Oy.


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